Not Constructive: Red Eyes MC Series Book #6 Read online

  “No, honey. Or if I do, I won’t know it. I don’t know who those guys were.”

  “Good,” Sam said. “Dead bodies are so icky.” He wrinkled up his nose cutely.

  Maddie laughed. “So you don’t want to see the guy that we got ready for tomorrow?” she asked Sam teasingly. “He’s wearing a green suit, and I know that’s your favorite color.”

  Sam pretended to throw up, and we all laughed. I was so glad that nothing had happened to him. I couldn’t even describe how good it felt now. “Hey, Sam, you want to do some coloring?” I asked, already heading to the table at the side of the room to get everything out for him.

  “Uh-huh,” Sam said. “I’m going to draw the policemen.” He scrunched up his nose again, this time thinking hard about something. “Mommy, can I be a policeman when I grow up?” he asked. “They’re the good guys, right?”

  I smiled at him. “Yeah, they’re the good guys,” I said. “And if you want to be a policeman, then you can absolutely be a policeman.”

  Sam nodded and came over to the table to color.

  I went to talk to Maddie in the other room. “I just can’t believe he’s really okay,” I said, shaking my head. “I was so worried.”

  “I know,” Maddie said. “But what happened?”

  “I got there right when Cameron and these two other guys from Red Eyes were getting there. They confronted Lex, and he had four other guys there with him. And they all started to fight. I don’t know how Grant and the other guy managed to take on two people each, because honestly, I just couldn’t take my eyes off Cameron. He and Lex went at it, and Lex pulled a gun and, I don’t know, somehow Cameron still managed to get him down and beat the shit out of him, and then it was over, and the police were coming and he told me to go inside and get Sam and take him home for the day.” I paused, taking a deep breath. “Sorry, I know that’s not a very good recount of what happened, but it just all happened so quickly. I don’t know.”

  Maddie shook her head. “Jeez. A gun? That’s bad. I’m glad everything worked out okay.” She gave me another hug.

  “I just can’t get over the fact that Cameron wouldn’t back down. Even when Lex pulled a gun on him, it was like there was no question in his mind. Like he just had to keep going after Lex. To keep Sam safe.”

  “I hate to say it, but maybe we judged him wrong,” Maddie said slowly. “It sounds like he really is one of the keepers. He might have inadvertently gotten you tangled up in something terrible, this whole mess with Lex, but it sounds like he was still there to make things right in the end.”

  “He was,” I said. “He really was.”

  Maddie paused. “So what are you going to do now?” she asked.

  “I guess just go about life as normal.” I sighed. “It’s kind of hard to think about doing that after everything that’s happened this afternoon, but what else can I do?”

  “Right, but what are you going to do about Cameron?”

  “I don’t think he’s going to bother me. He really was just calling because it was an emergency.” I sighed, though, thinking about Cameron. I hoped he was okay. I wished that I could call him and ask.

  Maddie frowned. “I know that I’ve been the one who was trying to tell you, all along, that you shouldn’t be with him. That he was dangerous. And I still think that, but I also think it’s pretty obvious that he really cares for you. Both of you. And that he’s going to do everything he can to make sure that you’re safe.”

  “So what are you saying?” I asked suspiciously.

  “I think you probably need to talk to him about this. I’m sure he’ll understand what you were feeling. He was there after all. And I can tell that you’re not ready to give up on your feelings for him just yet.”

  I stared at her for a long moment. But she was right. I needed to see Cameron again. I needed to make sure that he was okay, and I needed to thank him for making sure that Sam was still safe.

  I had felt like a failure when I thought that I had put Sam in danger by bringing Cameron into our lives. But if Cameron was willing and able to look out for Sam, even when he was held at gunpoint, then maybe he was the best person that I could possibly bring into our lives. Maybe he was just the kind of person that we needed. A partner whose universe could revolve around Sam as well, even if Sam wasn’t actually his biological kid.

  “Can you watch Sam for a little while?” I asked.

  Maddie held up the ice cream that I had brought her. “You’ve already paid me in advance,” she joked, winking at me.

  39

  Cameron

  I went straight home after the confrontation with Lex and the Unknowns. I needed to check in with Grant and Braxton and make sure that both of them were okay. Their opponents may not have pulled guns on them, but they had each taken on two guys where I’d only had the one. I hoped they were doing okay.

  And I needed to tell Grant that I couldn’t be part of the club anymore.

  I knew that I had made Ray a promise that I would keep an eye out for Grant, make sure that he didn’t have any problems as he eased into his new role as president of the club. But I didn’t think I could do this anymore. It had hit me right when Lex pulled that gun on me. There were things that were just way more important than the club. These guys were like family to me, but Tara and Sam were like family to me now too.

  Even if Tara never wanted to see me again, I had to believe that there was something more that I could do with my life. I had to get out of the club.

  I looked at myself in the mirror. Not bad for someone who had been pistol-whipped and punched, but there was a fair amount of blood there. I grabbed a washcloth and started cleaning myself up, applying pressure to the cut next to my eyebrow that was still sluggishly leaking blood.

  The doorbell rang, and I grimaced. I thought about ignoring it, but I was worried that maybe I hadn’t done as much damage to Lex as I thought that I had. Or maybe it was the police, and they had somehow traced this all back to Red Eyes and to me, and they were here to arrest me. If that was the case, then so be it. I had no choice but to comply with them.

  I headed for the door, still holding the washcloth to my eyebrow. When I opened it, I was surprised to see Tara there. She paled at the sight of me. “Cameron,” she said quietly.

  “What’s wrong?” I asked immediately. “Did that fucker do something else? Where’s Sam?”

  She shook her head. “No, no, we’re both fine. He’s with Maddie at the funeral parlor right now. But God, you look terrible.”

  I grinned crookedly at her, or at least as much as I could with a busted lip. “That’s not a very nice thing to say to a guy,” I joked.

  Tara reached up toward the washcloth, carefully pulling it away. “Can I help you?” she asked. “Dressing the living and dressing the dead aren’t that different from one another.”

  I snorted but stepped back to let her in, padding down the hall to the bathroom. She followed after me.

  “Thank you,” she said softly as she cleaned the wounds on my face.

  “For what?” I asked bitterly. “If it wasn’t for me, Lex would never have gone after you.”

  “That might be true, but I have to thank you for making sure that nothing happened to Sam anyway. You might have gotten us into that mess to begin with, but you made sure that we were still safe. Just like you had promised me you would.”

  I didn’t know what to say in response to that. Finally, I settled on, “You know that I would never willingly hurt either you or Sam.”

  “I know,” Tara said quietly, simply. As though she really didn’t doubt it. I looked up at her in surprise. “Look, I’m not happy that you blew off the school thing yesterday,” Tara continued. “I’m still pissed that you made Sam cry like that. But I guess I realized today that you still care about him. About us. More than I had even realized.”

  I stared up at her for a moment, wondering if I had the guts to say what I really felt for her. I finally decided that there was no reason not to say it. If I
didn’t tell her now, I might never get another chance. “I love you,” I told her.

  Tara stared at me in surprise, her eyes going wide. “You do?” she asked quietly.

  “I do,” I told her firmly. I paused. “And I know you have no reason to believe that I can keep you guys safe. I may have protected you guys today, but that doesn’t mean that this isn’t going to happen again—”

  “I heard the EMTs talking,” Tara interrupted. “It sounds like Lex was in pretty sorry shape. They don’t think that he’s ever going to be able to walk again.”

  “That’s good,” I said. “But it’s not enough. There could be other guys, other threats in the future. It would kill me if something happened to the two of you, though. So I’m going to make some changes, to make sure that I’m less of a target.”

  “What are you saying?” Tara asked.

  I took a deep breath. “I’m saying that I’m getting out of Red Eyes. I’m going to tell Grant that he’s just going to have to be all right without me. I can’t be part of it anymore. I just can’t. That’s not the lifestyle that I choose. There has to be something more.”

  Tara was quiet for a long time, carefully cleaning my cuts. Finally, she took a step back. “Don’t promise anything that you can’t deliver on,” she said, and I could hear the tears in her voice. She thought that I was just telling her what she wanted to hear.

  But I shook my head. “No, I’m serious. More than one hundred percent. When Lex pulled that gun on me today, I just started thinking. It just isn’t worth it anymore. I don’t want any part of it.” I paused. “There are a lot more changes that need to happen in the club. They’re still trying to find a balance between what Grant wants and what Braxton wants. And there’s apparently one of Lex’s guys on the inside. We need a better vetting process and that’s not all.”

  I sighed and ran a hand back through my hair, wincing when I hit a bruise on my temple, no doubt the product of one of Lex’s punches. “But I don’t want any of that stuff to be my concern or that I need to worry about. I was always meant to be the treasurer. That’s what Ray brought me in as. I don’t want to be the guy who worries about everything else. That’s Grant’s job as president. I need to take a step back.”

  A slow smile spread across Tara’s face, and I hoped that I had said enough. That I had convinced her that we could be okay together, that I wasn’t going to put her in danger ever again. I wasn’t sure, but I thought that I might have.

  “How’s your face feeling?” Tara asked, reaching out and lightly touching my cheek. “I think that’s the best that I can do.”

  “It’s a little painful, but I’ll survive,” I told her. The truth was, I had taken a couple painkillers the moment I walked in the front door. I knew I was going to be feeling it later, but for right now, it wasn’t terrible. And it was a small price to pay for knowing that Sam was going to be okay.

  “I was really scared, you know,” Tara said quietly, looking away from me. She wrapped her arms around herself like she was cold. “When that guy pulled that gun on you, I was really worried. I thought he was going to shoot you.”

  To be honest, I had been more worried that Lex would turn the gun on her. That he would shoot her instead. That seemed to be the way his mind was working. But I didn’t want to tell Tara that. I didn’t want her ever to consider what it felt like to have a gun pointed at her. I wanted her innocent of that.

  I wanted her to continue to be my escape from everything to do with MC dangers.

  We sat there in silence for a moment. I wanted to ask what happened next. Wanted to ask if she forgave me. But I didn’t want to prompt her to leave. I was pretty sure that she didn’t want to. I was pretty sure that she forgave me. But I also knew that she had been scared before, and I didn’t want her to feel scared again. I didn’t want her to feel like I was pressuring her for something more.

  But she leaned toward me, a question in her eyes. Slowly, she pressed her lips against mine. It hurt where her lips connected with the same point that Lex had punched, but I wasn’t about to stop her. Instead, I stood up, not breaking the kiss, and pressed my body against hers, holding her tightly so that there was no space between us.

  We kissed until neither of us had any air left, until I had forgotten all about my split lip and the fight with Lex, until my whole world narrowed to just her.

  She had forgiven me, I was sure. And that meant the world to me.

  I leaned in for another kiss, and she stumbled back, almost falling backward into the tub. She giggled. “Maybe we would be better off in a bed?” she suggested.

  “Lead the way,” I told her.

  Epilogue

  Tara

  Seeing Cameron again was just as cathartic as seeing Sam again had been. I had known that I was worried about him. You couldn’t watch a guy get into a fistfight with a man with a gun without getting nervous. It had been a relief to see that most of his damage was superficial, cuts that just needed to be cleaned up a little. I did use a little butterfly bandage on the cut near his eyebrow, but other than that, I was sure everything would heal up pretty quickly. And there was nothing that would require stitches or a trip to the hospital.

  He was going to be okay. And I was okay, and Sam was okay, and Lex was never going to bother us again.

  Cameron was going to be okay.

  And not only that, but Cameron loved me. That was what he had said. He had told me that he loved me. And I immediately wanted to say it back to him, to tell him that I loved him too. Because I did, I really did. I had realized just how much I loved him when I watched Lex pull that gun on him.

  This whole time, I’d been so worried about Sam’s safety that I hadn’t been thinking of anything else. But now, I realized that it would be equally devastating if anything was to happen to Cameron. I didn’t know if I could handle that, especially not knowing that the only reason he was involved in this to begin with was because my son was in danger.

  I loved him. But was he right for me?

  I wanted to sit down, to make a list of the pros and the cons. To convince myself, one way or the other, if he was right for me. My heart didn’t care about the logic of the situation, and my brain didn’t care about my emotions. I couldn’t seem to convince myself one way or the other. I felt just as confused as I had throughout the rest of our relationship.

  But I also felt like there was still no way for me to stop myself.

  No, I couldn’t keep myself from pressing my lips to his. From leaning my body against his, from matching him line for line. We headed upstairs, and I was stripping down almost before we were even in the bedroom, impatient for the feeling of his skin against mine. When we were both naked, I pushed him back toward the bed. I needed to show him how much I appreciated what he had done in keeping Sam safe. I needed to show him just how much I appreciated him.

  And in some part of my mind, I also needed this to feel like I was in control. Ever since I had met him, I had felt so out of control, so confused by everything. And after that afternoon, ever since he had called me, I was doubly desperate to feel like I was in control.

  Cameron lay back on the bed, letting me have my way with him, his hands smoothing away my nervousness.

  I lowered my head to his half-hard cock, mouthing at him and tasting the small beads of precum already gathering at his tip. I swallowed him down, inch by inch, until he was buried deep in the back of my throat. I hollowed my cheeks as I slid away along his length before bobbing back down, swallowing him again. I moaned as his fingers twisted in my hair, blunt fingernails lightly scratching at my scalp. I was rewarded with a groan from him as well.

  I brought one of my hands in between his legs to play with his balls, trailing featherlight touches along his sensitive skin and then grasping them in my palm, rolling them between my fingers. His dick twitched in my mouth, and I moaned again, turned on by how turned on he was getting, an endless loop of pleasure between us.

  He caught my arms in his grip and tugged me up his body, c
laiming my lips with his again, tasting himself on my tongue. His fingers, meanwhile, ran down the length of my body, leaving no crevice unexplored, before delving into the cleft between my legs, making my body thrum with desire. He plied my inner warmth, and I pulled away from the kiss with a breathless gasp, my body already aching for release.

  He was going to be okay. And so was I.

  I straddled his hips, reaching between us to line his dick up with my entrance, and I slowly slid down onto his length. There was no pain this time, no burning ache, just an easy stretch, a welcome fullness, a warmth that burned me from the inside out.

  Slowly, I started to rock my hips against his, and he dug his heels into the mattress, meeting me thrust for thrust. But there was a languid quality to it, a lack of hurry. Like we could stay here like this for the whole afternoon if we wanted to, or maybe even forever.

  The sex that we’d had before had been great. But this was the perfect display of intimacy, a perfect exploration of each other’s needs. I could see him watching me, could see him learning all the ways that my body worked, the things I liked and the things that had less of an effect on me.

  He thumbed at my clit, and I practically howled, falling forward against him. He wrapped his arms around me, holding me close. One hand continued to play with my clit, even as I shivered with ecstasy.

  My toes curled until it was a surprise that my legs didn’t cramp. My whole body felt taut, intensely aware of everything that he was doing to me. He nipped at the sensitive skin just below my earlobe, and I tilted my head away to give him better access, my fingers laced with his as I fought just to stay breathing.

  He twisted his hips a little as he thrust into me, and I gasped, feeling an even greater stretch than before, his head dragging down my walls and stimulating me in ways that I had never felt before.