Not Constructive: Red Eyes MC Series Book #6 Read online

  Cameron came as well, but I was barely aware of it, still caught up in the overwhelming feelings of my own climax. His hips slammed into mine one final time before stilling as I continued to twist in the sheets, my body twitching with the last remnants of my explosive orgasm.

  His body fell against mine, pressing all the air out of me for a brief moment before he rolled away, but I couldn’t find it in me to complain. No, there was nothing wrong in the world as far as I was concerned.

  I felt a goofy smile spread across my face, and Cameron nudged me with his shoulder, having recovered far more quickly than me apparently. “That good?” he asked.

  I giggled, unable to even string words together for the moment. Finally, I sighed and turned to nuzzle against his shoulder. “Yeah, that was good,” I mumbled, already on the edge of consciousness.

  I felt content in a way that I hadn’t in a long time. Maybe in a way that I never had before. There were so many reasons that this wasn’t right, with Cameron. Why this couldn’t be right. But right then, it felt like none of that mattered. I couldn’t imagine not having Cameron in my life.

  It wasn’t just that I had some feelings for him. I was really falling for him.

  I pressed closer to him, putting my head on his chest. Awareness was slowly coming back to me, but I couldn’t find it in myself to deny that I wanted this. If anything, I just felt like my nerves were still thrumming with energy.

  This was the first time that I had gotten to actually sleep with him. We’d had sex before, and I wasn’t going to go so far as to say that this time, it had been lovemaking. No, this was still sex. But I didn’t have to leave afterward. I had always had to leave before.

  I wasn’t nervous, though. Maybe it was just a matter of maturity but sleeping with Sam’s father had always felt vaguely nerve-racking. Would I snore or drool? Would I hog the blankets? Would I try to cuddle too much and end up keeping him up all night? Would I wake up with terrible bedhead or morning breath?

  Like I said, maybe it was a matter of maturity, but I wasn’t worried about any of that with Cameron. I felt comfortable with him. I felt like we could get through any obstacle that stood in our way. Maybe that was naive of me, but this just felt so incredibly right, in ways that I could barely explain.

  I was falling for him.

  God, what was Maddie going to say when she found out? Because she was sure to find out. There was no way around it. She just knew me too well. When I had told her that I had asked Cameron if he could stay with me, she had immediately shaken her head and put her hands over her ears, not wanting to hear any of it, even when I tried to tell her that it was just for protection’s sake, to make sure that Sam was going to be okay.

  If she knew that I was in love with him, that I was inviting the worst of Lex’s wrath on myself, she probably wouldn’t even speak to me anymore.

  It was such a stupid thing, I knew. Having feelings for a criminal. But the more I knew about Cameron, the surer I was that he was just a good guy caught up in a bad situation. Just like me, really, when you thought about it. I hadn’t asked for Sam or Lex or any of the rest of it, but that was just what had happened. That was just the way that life was. Things happened, and sometimes you barely had control over what was going on in your own life.

  I was falling in love with Cameron, and that made me feel very out of control, indeed. But it also made me feel surprisingly okay.

  Anyway, I couldn’t dwell on it now, not with my body pleasantly sated and exhausted. I drifted off to sleep, Cameron’s arms still wrapped around my waist, and despite the tumult in my mind, I slept surprisingly well.

  29

  Cameron

  I shifted away from the sunlight streaming through the windows and then blinked groggily at my surroundings, trying to figure out, for a moment, just where I was. This definitely wasn’t my home, with its blackout curtains and the wall on the other side of my body.

  As I shifted, locks of long hair spilled across my arm, my fingers coming into contact with smooth, warm skin. I smiled and pressed a kiss against Tara’s shoulder blade, but she continued to sleep.

  I curled my body around hers, my morning wood pushing against the round globes of her naked ass. But I wasn’t trying to start anything. I felt surprisingly sated after the night before. Not that I didn’t want to have sex with her again, but the sex we’d shared had been so good that I didn’t feel the desperate need for more. Instead, I just wanted to enjoy this quiet, sweet moment alone with her.

  I listened but couldn’t hear Sam moving around the house just yet. Either he was an absolute angel first thing in the morning and didn’t make enough noise to wake Tara up, which was hard to believe given how much energy the kid had, or else he was still asleep as well.

  I liked the thought of that, being the only one awake in the whole house, keeping them safe while they both slept.

  I just liked being here. I knew I was just here to make sure that Lex didn’t try anything with them, but it felt like they were keeping me safe as well. Safe from worries about the club, safe from the fighting that I knew was sure to come.

  Tara shifted against me, pressing back toward me and then shifting away as she yawned. She rolled over so that she could look up at me, peering through her still-sleepy eyes. “Morning,” she murmured. “You sleep okay?”

  “Great,” I told her, kissing her gently and chastely.

  She yawned again and then grinned. “Sorry, still waking up.”

  “I can see that,” I said, amusement lacing my voice. “Don’t know what you’re apologizing for.”

  Tara hummed and rolled onto her back, staring up at the ceiling. But she reached out and laced her fingers in mine, and even though I could tell that she was thinking deeply about something, it was clear that she didn’t regret that I was here. I waited for her to spit out whatever it was that she wanted to say.

  “I’m sorry about what Sam said to you last night,” she finally said.

  I frowned, thinking back to the night before. As far as I knew, the kid hadn’t said anything to insult me. But maybe I’d missed some veiled comment? Could five-year-olds make veiled comments?

  “What do you mean?” I asked slowly.

  Tara glanced over at me. “You know, about going into his school,” she clarified. “About how he doesn’t have a dad and he wants you to step in.”

  I shook my head. “Seriously, Tara, that doesn’t bother me,” I told her. “I know you have this idea in your head about what all biker dudes must be like, but could you put that aside for a moment? Remember, I told you that I’ve always wanted to have a family. That I wanted to have children. And I’m not saying that I’m ready for the whole step right now. I don’t want Sam to think of me as his dad. But if he thinks of me as his cool motorcycle-riding friend and he wants me to come into his school to talk to them or whatever, that’s fine with me.”

  “Right, but what do you think that everyone is going to think when you walk in there?” Tara protested.

  I jerked away as though she had slapped me. “I didn’t realize you were that worried about the fact that I’m a biker,” I said, unable to keep the frost from my voice.

  Tara blinked, looking surprised. But then she shook her head, frustration in her expression. “No, that’s not what I meant,” she said. “I mean, sure, that’s another thing to think about. Sam’s only in kindergarten, but I’m sure there are plenty of parents who wouldn’t want a guy from Red Eyes in there talking about how cool motorcycles are. But I trust you to be discreet about that. I don’t expect that anyone is going to really know that you’re part of Red Eyes.”

  “Then what are you worried about?” I snapped.

  “I’m worried that they’re going to assume that you and I are…” Tara trailed off, looking embarrassed.

  “That we’re what?” I asked in a low voice. I rolled over and covered her body with mine. “That we’re dating? That we’re fucking?”

  Tara shivered, going lax against me. But she still ap
peared worried, biting her lower lip and looking away from my dark, intense gaze. “I don’t want you to commit to anything and then just not show up,” she finally whispered.

  “I’m not your ex,” I told her. I held up a hand when it seemed like she wanted to protest. “Just hear me out,” I said. “I know that you’re worried. That you think I’m going to decide that you’re not worth it or that I don’t want to be a part of this. And I’m not promising you forever, not yet. But I want you to know that I’m not planning on running away.”

  Tara stared at me for a long moment and then nodded. “Okay,” she said. “But still, I don’t know if this thing with Sam’s class is the best idea. I know you’re pretty busy at the moment with everything with Red Eyes. Just don’t commit to anything that you’re not sure about.”

  I knew that wasn’t the real problem, just as well as she did, but finally, I nodded. “I won’t,” I promised her. She hadn’t exactly told me that she didn’t want me to go into Sam’s class, and I knew that if the boy asked me again, I was going to say yes. I could commit to that. And maybe if I did so, if I showed that I wanted to be part of their family, that I could be relied upon, then Tara would relax a little and learn that she could trust me.

  For now, we rolled out of bed and headed into the kitchen. “How do pancakes sound?” Tara asked. “I’ve got some berries that we need to eat, and there’s maple syrup, too, of course. And some frozen sausages.”

  “Sounds perfect,” I said.

  “If I make the batter, can you handle the flipping and everything?” Tara asked.

  “Sure,” I said easily, then moved to the sink to wash my hands.

  We had almost gotten everything together, moving carefully in sync around each other in a similar fashion to when we were in bed, when Sam came into the kitchen. Tara liked to hum and sing while she cooked, I quickly realized, and it was adorable. I could barely keep my hands off her, except that I had a job to do and I didn’t want to mess it up and burn the pancakes.

  Sam rubbed at his eyes and then smiled at us. “Pancakes!” he said, not seeming surprised to see that I was still there.

  I flipped the last of the pancakes onto the stack that I’d started, and Tara started putting things on plates and then placed the plates on the table as I cleaned up some of the mess that we’d made.

  “How are you today, buddy?” Tara asked, scooping Sam up into her arms and giving him a big kiss before getting him set at the table.

  “Great!” Sam said.

  “Oh really?” Tara asked, smiling. “You have a good dream?”

  “Motorcycle man is here!” Sam said.

  Tara smiled over at me. “Yes, he is,” she agreed.

  “Does that mean we can go riding on the motorcycle today?” Sam asked hopefully.

  I glanced at Tara, and she gave me a small shrug and a smile. “Sure thing, little man,” I told Sam. “We can do whatever you want today.”

  Sam cheered. “On Monday, I’m going to tell all my friends in my class,” he said.

  “Not if I tell them first,” I joked. “That is, if you still want me to come in for Parents Day?”

  “Yeah!” Sam said, his eyes shining with excitement.

  I glanced over at Tara to see her reaction. She shook her head, but she didn’t say anything.

  “So where are we going to take the motorcycle today?” I asked Sam. I didn’t mind just cruising around the neighborhood, but I was curious to know if he had a specific place in mind.

  “Can we go hiking?” Sam asked excitedly.

  “Hiking?” I asked in surprise. “Sure thing, little man.” I glanced over at Tara. “You know any good hiking around here?”

  “Yeah.” Tara sighed. She shook her head. “I don’t know if hiking is the best idea for today, buddy. It’s going to be hot.”

  “Then we’ll stay in the shade!” Sam said matter-of-factly.

  I snorted, unable to help it. Tara gave me a look that clearly said I wasn’t helping matters. But finally, she relented. “All right,” she agreed, and I could hear the reluctance in her voice. “We can go hiking.”

  “Bad experience?” I asked, curious.

  Tara just shook her head and changed the subject.

  30

  Tara

  Cameron cornered me in the kitchen as we were cleaning up. Sam was in his room getting ready for hiking, finding his shoes and changing into some of his “outside” clothes, ones that were old, stained, and ready for anything.

  “So what’s up?” Cameron asked. “What’s the problem with hiking?”

  Even though I knew that I hadn’t done my best to hide my lack of enthusiasm for hiking that afternoon, I tried to hedge. “What do you mean?” I asked. But I could feel embarrassment hot on my face. God, he was going to think I was so lazy when he found out the real reason I didn’t want to go hiking. That I just wanted to chill around the house for the whole day, or maybe go to the park for the afternoon with a picnic.

  Cameron snorted. “You weren’t exactly jumping up and down when that’s what Sam wanted to do today,” he pointed out.

  I sighed. “It’s just, I work all week, and on my days off, I just like to chill. Maybe go to the park and let Sam run around on his own for a little while. Or sometimes we go swimming or biking. I know Sam’s got a lot of energy that he needs to work out. Rainy days, he drives me up a wall.”

  “I get that,” Cameron said, nodding sagely. “He sure seems like he must be a handful sometimes. In a good way, though.” He paused. “If you want, I could take him hiking, and you could stay here?”

  I actually seriously considered that for a moment. But I wasn’t sure whether I trusted Cameron alone with Sam just yet. I didn’t trust just anyone alone with Sam. It had taken me a while before I would even let Maddie be alone with him. It was nothing against Cameron, and it had nothing to do with Red Eyes or with Lex or even really with Sam’s safety, but I didn’t like that idea. I wasn’t ready for that.

  Besides, I liked the idea of spending the whole day with the two of them. Even if it meant hiking on my day off. I smiled and shook my head. “Nah, I’ll come,” I told Cameron. “But nothing too crazy.”

  “Are you sure?” Cameron asked.

  “Once I’m there, it’ll be fun,” I said. “It’s just the thought of doing it that makes me sigh.”

  “If you say so,” Cameron said. “We could come up with a different plan.”

  “Actually, I think hiking is kind of a good thing. I’m not so sure I want us all taking the motorcycle into Las Cruces proper to do whatever he might have come up with there.”

  “Fair enough,” Cameron said.

  “As it is, I think I’m going to follow you with the car,” I added. “In case Sam gets tired during the hike and wants to sleep on the way back.”

  Cameron gave me a knowing look. “I’m sure that’s why,” he said, sounding amused.

  I rolled my eyes and stuck my tongue out at him, just as Sam walked into the room. “Mommy, that’s mean!” he gasped. “You need to tell CamCam that you’re sorry.”

  I giggled. “You’re absolutely right,” I told Sam, trying to sound serious. I turned to Cameron. “I’m sorry I stuck my tongue out at you,” I said. Then, I turned back to Sam. “Better?” I asked.

  He nodded solemnly. But as soon as he had turned his attention to the shoes in his hand, I stuck my tongue out at Cameron again.

  We headed out to one of the hiking trails that wasn’t that far from the house, going slowly since Sam was on the bike with Cameron. I couldn’t help but let my imagination run away from me. What would it be like to be on the back of that motorcycle if Sam wasn’t there with us? If we were flying down highways, destination unknown, just Cameron and I?

  There was something sexy about the idea of it. Just the two of us against the world. The motorcycle roaring between our legs, my arms wrapped tightly around his waist, the wind in our faces.

  I liked the thought of it. More than I would admit.

  I
got out of the car as we arrived at the hiking trail. Sam immediately skipped over to me, throwing his arms around my legs. “Thank you, thank you, thank you!” he said quickly.

  I laughed and patted his shoulder. “I’m not the one with the motorcycle,” I reminded him.

  “Yeah, but Cam said you gave me your per-miss-ion,” Sam said, sounding out the word carefully. I could tell he probably didn’t even understand what the word meant, and that Cameron had probably told him to say it. I had to hide a laugh.

  “Well, I hope you told Cam thanks for letting you ride with him,” I said.

  Sam nodded seriously, his eyes wide. “I did,” he promised me.

  “Good,” I said.

  “Is it hiking time?” Sam asked.

  “Yup,” I said, smiling at Cameron and feeling warmed all over when he smiled right back at me.

  I don’t know what I expected from the hike, but I didn’t expect Cameron to know the names of all the birds and trees that we passed. He was like a walking encyclopedia.

  “I’m out here a lot,” he admitted when I asked him about it. He shrugged a shoulder, looking embarrassed. “I like hiking. It’s a good escape.”

  I raised an eyebrow, wanting to ask what he felt like he needed to escape from, but it wasn’t like I didn’t know. This was the perfect place to forget all about Red Eyes, motorcycle clubs, Lex, and everything else. The longer we walked, the more soothed I felt. It was just the three of us, the only people in the world. I relaxed into the rhythm of my steps, trailing after the boys with a smile on my face.

  At one point, Cameron scooped Sam up onto his shoulders, giving him a ride. He dropped back to walk next to me. “What are you thinking about?” he asked curiously.

  “Nothing,” I answered honestly.

  Cameron laughed. “Really?” he asked.

  I hummed. “Yeah, really,” I said. “I just feel good.”

  “Because of last night?”

  I glanced up at Sam, feeling my cheeks flame, even though he would think that Cameron was just referencing the fact that we had all had dinner together last night. Lasagna. I shook my head, though.