Not Constructive: Red Eyes MC Series Book #6 Page 13
I laughed. “Yeah, I can imagine. I can do the math stuff just fine since that’s what I do, but anything with English literature or whatever is a mystery to me.”
“I might have to call you to help him with his math homework when it gets to that point,” Tara said, laughing as well. “I’m pretty hopeless at it. Even basic addition is hard if I haven’t had my coffee in the morning!”
And for a moment, I let myself picture what that would be like. Sitting down with Sam at their kitchen table, going over his homework with him while Tara hovered there behind us, watching us. Or teaching him to work on bikes, showing him how all of it came together to make the machine run.
I felt a weird sense of want inside of me. These were things that I had never really pictured myself having, but with Tara, it was as though suddenly there was something that had been missing from my life. For far longer than I’d realized.
I shook my head to clear it, but Tara was still smiling at me, and that made it easy for me just to smile back at her. “Well, you’ve done a great job with Sam,” I told her.
“Thank you,” Tara said. “And thank you again for taking him for that ride. Like I said, he really enjoyed it.”
I glanced at my watch as we were finishing dinner, surprised to see how late it was. Somehow, time with her just seemed to fly by. One minute, we were talking about Sam and the next thing I knew, two hours had passed and we were halfway through dessert.
Tara shook her head, putting her fork down. “Ugh, you’re going to have to finish that,” she said, gesturing at the rest of the tiramisu on the plate that we’d been sharing. “I’m stuffed.”
I groaned. “I was counting on you to finish it,” I told her. “I don’t think I can eat another bite.”
“So, successful dinner?” Tara asked jokingly.
“I’d say so,” I said, wondering inwardly what she was thinking. But I knew that she probably had to get back to Sam and Maddie. “I should probably drive you home, though, shouldn’t I?”
I didn’t really want the evening to end just yet, and I hoped she realized that. I hoped she didn’t think that I was trying to get rid of her.
But she clearly didn’t think anything of the sort. Her eyes got a glint to them, and her lips curved up into a smirk. “You could take me home,” she said slowly. “But I’ve got a few hours still. I told Maddie I’d be home by midnight.”
I laughed, but I could feel something stir inside of me. Something less amused and more insistent. “Well, would you like to come back to my place then?” I suggested.
“Absolutely,” Tara said.
22
Tara
I kept telling myself that I wasn’t going to get tangled up with Cameron, but I couldn’t help it. I wanted him in a way that I had never wanted a guy before. Not even Sam’s father.
He was just such a great guy. He was good with Sam, and I could almost picture him as part of our family. We could chat for whole hours without there being any awkwardness or any uncomfortable pauses in the conversation. And it was nice to relax a little, to just be myself with someone who hadn’t known me for years, who didn’t expect anything from me.
I loved Maddie. She was my best friend, but she definitely expected me to act a certain way sometimes. More like her. And we were very similar. That was true. But with something like this, I just wanted to be more spontaneous. I had forgotten what it felt like to be spontaneous.
To leave everything behind for a night and go over to a guy’s house to get laid.
We were tugging at each other’s clothing even before he managed to get the front door open. I had my fingers up underneath his shirt, tracing lines over those muscular abs of his, and he had his own hands up underneath my skirt, his fingers cupping my ass, holding me close to him, digits digging into my flesh.
His mouth was hot and hungry against mine, devouring me, leaving me in a warm puddle of need as he fumbled the keys out of his pocket, feeling behind himself and unlocking the door, his lips never leaving mine.
We stumbled inside. I tripped over the step, but he held me against his body, steadying me even as his fingers and lips worked to send me spiraling out of control on waves of lust. He had my shirt off before I could blink. He had me stripped there, naked right in the hallway, and I knew there was no way that we were going to make it to his bed this time.
Indeed, he seemed to give up on the idea about the same time that I did, pushing me instead into the living room and nudging me toward the couch as he stripped out of his own clothes. He climbed on top of me and ground against me, and through the thin layers of our underwear, I could feel just how hard he was already. He was practically pushing inside of me, his head insistent against my entrance, but for now, all he did was make out with me, his hands roaming over my bare skin, almost tickling me with how light the touches were.
My breath hitched as he worked his way down my body with his mouth, kisses trailing lower, sloppier, more sensual as they reached the sensitive parts between my legs. He tugged off my panties with his teeth, his eyes on my face, his gaze burning into mine.
He shoved his boxers off and slid back up my body, still watching me as I grabbed the condom that he had tossed on the coffee table. I tore it open and then tugged it slowly down his length, feeling his dick twitching against my palm. I thumbed at his slit, watching as he groaned, his head falling back for just a moment, his eyes going ever darker. He leaned toward me, his strong hands planted firmly on the armrest on either side of my head.
I reached between us, lining him up at my needy hole, and he slammed forward into me. It was just on the edge of what I could take. Even though it hadn’t been long since the last time he and I had had sex, there was no denying that I wasn’t used to this yet. But I wasn’t complaining at the way that he used my body, rocking into me with precise, measured thrusts.
No, in fact, I craved it, this sinful recklessness. It would leave me aching and sore for days, I was sure, but I welcomed the thought of that, the physical reminder of what we had done. We might not really mean anything to each other, not yet, but somehow, we did. Somehow, we were linked.
I brought my own hands up to brace against the armrest, pressing back against him, angling my hips up to meet his every thrust, moaning as I did so. Our bodies worked against each other’s, in perfect harmony, each striving for the other’s release. He played his fingers across my nipples. I pressed a messy kiss to his collarbone, teeth lightly grazing his skin. He, in turn, pressed his lips to my throat, biting a mark just below my ear, leaving me gasping with the intimacy of the moment.
I wasn’t worried about the mark. I wasn’t worried who might know that we had slept together. In fact, I wanted more; I wanted him; I wanted to be his.
I wanted to be his. It still felt like I barely knew him, still felt like all of this was a mistake. But deep down in my gut, I wanted to be his. I wanted to let him into my life. Not only my life, but also Sam’s life. I trusted him.
Now wasn’t the time to examine those thoughts, though.
My legs fell open even wider, my knee pressing against the back of the couch, my heels pressed against his calves, urging him on, moving my body against his. I could feel myself, just on the edge of climax, about to spiral out of control. It was all so good, all so terribly good, the way that we fit together so perfectly. I wanted this. I wanted to be his.
He slammed into me, and I threw my head back as I cried out his name, my words half a sob and half a prayer. I shattered into a million pieces, clinging to him as I tumbled over into the pit of pleasure. He followed after me, his limbs trembling as he spent himself inside of me. We were both twitching with overstimulation, both hanging on to the other for dear life.
He turned his lips to my cheek, nuzzling me softly, and it was as though he wasn’t the member of some biker gang, as though I didn’t need his protection. As though we were made for each other, as though we were perfect for each other. In that frozen moment in time, nothing else mattered, not my worries
and not my fears.
But it couldn’t last forever.
Cameron laughed a little as he pulled away from me. “Well,” he said.
“Well,” I agreed, pushing myself into a sitting position on the couch. I could feel the twinge, the ache inside of me, and I knew that we had probably pushed it too far, been a little too rough. But I still couldn’t help but like that feeling, knowing that we had both gotten just what we needed from the other.
I had never meant to let things go so far with him. Especially not after that visit from Lex. But I couldn’t seem to keep away from him, and to be honest, I was starting to wonder if maybe I was being overly cautious in the first place. Maybe I was putting too much stock in Maddie’s fears, in the stories that she had told me about Red Eyes.
Because Cameron just didn’t seem like a bad guy. But then again, Sam’s dad never had seemed like a bad guy either. That didn’t mean that he didn’t hurt me in the end.
Cameron shifted, pulling me into his arms there on the couch, and I laid my head against his shoulder, wanting nothing more than to be close to him. I was still thinking about that last thought I’d had: about the possibility of Cameron hurting me.
I realized that he could. I might never have meant to let this be anything more than sex, but at this point, it felt like it was. If Cameron told me that he never wanted to see me again, I would go home in tears, wondering what I had done wrong. Already, I knew I was spending an inordinate amount of time thinking about him.
Maddie might be worried that my relationship with Cameron would end up with me physically hurt. I was more worried about a broken heart.
“You all right?” Cameron asked quietly, his lips moving against my hair.
I nodded, even though I felt far from it.
Cameron pulled back and tilted my face up toward his. “You’re thinking about the fact that you have to leave,” he guessed.
I grimaced. “I wish it were that simple,” I told him. I didn’t want to tell him what I was really thinking about. I wasn’t ready to admit that I was starting to have feelings for him. I just didn’t know how he would take something like that. Would he never want anything to do with me again? I wasn’t sure if I was ready to risk that.
He wasn’t like other bikers. He had told me that, and I knew that it was true. But that didn’t mean he was looking for a relationship with me. I had told him my secret. I had told him about Sam. But there was still this distance between us. There was still some darkness around him. Some sort of hesitance. He had secrets of his own. Secrets that he wasn’t ready to tell me.
I couldn’t fall in love with him. I just couldn’t let myself get hurt like that.
Especially not over someone like him. Whatever my thoughts about him were, I had to remember that he was the reason Lex was interested in my relationship with Red Eyes. That a relationship with him could spell danger for everything that I loved: my business, my friends, and most of all Sam.
“Hey,” Cameron said, leaning in to press a soft kiss to my lips. He looked deep into my eyes, his arms tightening around my waist. “Seriously, it’s no big deal. I know you have to get back to Sam. And I’m not upset to find out that you have a son. You have to trust me on that.”
“I know,” I said, turning my gaze away from his, unable to meet that searching, concerned expression in his eyes. For a second, I was tempted to tell him everything, to admit that I was getting in over my head, to admit that I wasn’t sure what to do about this thing between us because I wanted too much.
But the timing wasn’t right.
Before I knew it, Cameron was kissing me again, even more gently than before. “Do you need a ride home?” he asked. “We’re practically neighbors. But I don’t mind driving.”
“No, that’s okay,” I said, shaking my head. “I’d rather walk.” I had plenty of things to think about, and I wasn’t sure that I could handle being in the car with him right now anyway. Just the thought of it was claustrophobic.
“Go,” he said finally, releasing me. "I'll see you again soon, though. I promise."
I nodded wordlessly at him, grabbing my clothes from the haphazard pile in the hall. I glanced back at him. He was sitting on the couch, leaning back, just staring at me. A smile on his lips like he was pleased with himself. Like he was content.
Like maybe, just maybe, he was starting to have feelings for me as well.
But that was ridiculous. At heart, he was a biker, born to roam free and all of that. He wouldn’t fall for me. That was just a figment of my imagination, my eyes telling me what my heart wanted to hear.
I yanked on my skirt and turned away from him. “See you,” I mumbled, fleeing out the front door.
23
Cameron
Walking into the clubhouse on Monday made me grimace. Granted, the auxiliary members of the MC didn’t need to show up to these weekly meetings. I knew that the turnout that Grant had managed to get for the emergency meeting last week had been an anomaly. But it was strange just looking around and seeing all the people who weren’t there. Guys who had been in the club for ages now, as well as some of the newer faces.
I had to wonder who wasn’t there for the meeting and who had decided to join Braxton’s side to support him as the “real” leader of the MC.
I took a seat on one of the couches, carefully not looking at the spot that Braxton normally occupied. It was empty, as was the seat next to it where Landon used to sit before he moved to Florida. One of the new guys was in the seat that Marcus used to sit in. And Will had never had a seat that was his. He had just sat wherever he felt like it. But still, so much change, in so little time.
I remembered when Tara had asked me whether I still really wanted to be a part of all of this. I had told her that the MC was my family. That this was my life. That I couldn’t just walk away from it. But now, looking around the room, I started to wonder if that was really true. Were these guys my family?
These new recruits, I barely even knew them. And some of the auxiliary members, even the guys who had been there for a while, I didn’t really know them either. Not the way that I’d known the core group. With Ray gone and half the guys from the core group moving on to other projects, other stages in their lives, I couldn’t help but feel adrift.
Was it possible that I felt more at home with Tara and Sam than I did with these guys, some of whom I could barely even remember their names? I thought back to dinner the other night. To taking Tara home afterward and taking her. I couldn’t deny that there was a connection there, a strong one. I wanted to be part of her life. I wanted to get to know her, even better than I already did. There was something amazing about her. Something that I just couldn’t keep away from.
She was strong, and she was smart, and she was a great mother. And she and I fit so well with each other. I wasn’t in love with her or anything like that. We were still testing the waters here. There was still something going on behind those eyes that I could barely guess at. One minute she was there and all mine, and the next she was pulling away with her soul, even as her body turned toward mine.
She had all but run out of there the other night, and I had to worry that she wasn’t going to want to see me again. Maybe she’d been thinking about this, about Red Eyes. About the fact that I would be a terrible influence on Sam. I could tell that she liked me, too, but maybe her maternal instincts were kicking in and telling her to stay far away from me.
Could I give up all of this, the club and these guys, all for the sake of a relationship with her? All because I felt more at home with her than I did with them? I couldn’t help but feel like the family that I was working so hard to defend didn’t really exist anymore.
But when Grant walked to the front of the room, all of those thoughts went out of my head. Grant was still here, and even if Ray was gone, I had made a promise to him that I would help Grant out. Maybe Ray would have supported Braxton’s bid for leadership if he had known about it. But we would never know that now, and Grant needed me.
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br /> I couldn’t back out now. I couldn’t turn my back on this.
Grant nodded at everyone, and again, there was a sternness in his gaze that I had never seen before he had taken on this leadership role. He did a good job of emulating Ray, if nothing else. “Thank you all for being here today,” he said, looking around. “I’m sure I don’t need to stress the importance of staying strong and sticking together through this difficult time.”
“But what’s the plan?” one of the members asked. One of the new guys.
Grant didn’t seem upset at the interruption, and I remembered that he had trained these guys. They knew him well. And he trusted them. Even the guys who were just being brought into the core group, he accepted them in a way that Braxton had never really accepted Grant.
Grant shrugged. “For now, we wait to see what Braxton is planning, and we focus our attention on Lex and the Unknowns,” he said.
“But Braxton has already approached some of the businesses and told them about the split,” the new guy continued, sounding perplexed.
I saw a flash of worry cross Grant’s face as he glanced over at me. But it was gone a moment later, and I doubted anyone else had seen it. “Tell me more about this,” he said.
The new recruit shrugged. “You’ve had us watching all the businesses to make sure that Lex isn’t approaching any of them, but I can’t help thinking that the Unknowns are the least of our worries right now,” the guy said, glancing around so that everyone could see how serious he was. “We’ve watched Braxton and some of the other guys approach some of the businesses around town, businesses that have been loyal to Red Eyes for a long time, and when we went in after them, the business owners said that they’re not going to do any business with us. That they’re paying their dues to Braxton instead.”